Filed under: life, Photography, work | Tags: 2012, life, May, rarebliss, update
Wow, to believe I haven’t written anything on here since 2009. A lot of my life has changed since then. A lot of improvements to my work life, social life, and married life. Technology never ceases to amaze me. As soon as I saw an App in the Android Play Store I immediately downloaded it and felt the need to blog here.
I’m no good at being a consistent blogger. I account for daily life through photos as I always have. I’m always on Instagram or Tumblr. Simple ways of expression feels more comfortable to me. Nevertheless I do blog at a different website in case anyone is interested. The link http://rarebliss.com.
In other news, I will probably blog about my life Then vs. Now. Until next time:-)
I made it.. we made it:) September was such a depressing month despite the one good day that I did have in it. Looking back on my posts I cannot believe how I let my feelings get the best of me. This month will be better no matter what can change, I am determined to live my life, one day at a time. And I will worry about things when they come to me and deal with it then. Sometimes thinking ahead can only lead to disastrous situations. Bring on the thunder…
Hello, October,
I won’t be wasting too much time online as I have been either. Be sure to look for the occasional updates on my youtube or twitter account. Otherwise, call or text me if you need! I am out:)
Change is good.
Time to focus on things that matter the most!
Filed under: family, life, military | Tags: bad habits, change, rarebliss cleaning errands
Its about one day left until my husband sets foot back into Washington. The past month I had been so overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions and situations. I gave into doing nothing. Literally nothing most of my days. Its was horrible. And the days that I needed to get things done, I would write myself a reminder and follow it through about two to four days after. Which wasn’t too bad but still. Being productive is my main thing. Though I have been drained. Emotionally and physically drained.
My sleeping habits became worse, I would stay awake all night even if I had to work the following morning. On my days off I end up sleeping until the afternoon. And talking about eating… Well yes, I am human and sometimes I forget I need to eat until my stomach really feels like a pit! A big gaping pit that needs to be filled. And when I would eat, I would eat! I would worry, not being able to hear from him made my stress level go from 1 (barely) to 5 (full on stress!)….
Its amazing how one simple thing can open your eyes. For much anticipation, this end of the month… maybe about two days ago, I was able to hear from my husband again. And hearing from him, telling me he will be coming home soon made all the difference in my lifestyle, my world.
A date. An actual physical number/day I can rely on has been confirmed. One more day left and back to reality. Back to feeling normal. Back to feeling alive again.
Its about 10:41pm as I start to type this, I spent half of my day trying to clean but kept getting distracted. I haven’t been focused at all lately. I realized its my defense mechanism. There is so much that is going on this month that has been stressing me out and I just want the month to end already. But none the less I cannot fast forward time, nor can I stop time. I wish I had the motivation to be productive. Truth is I spent most of this month planning to do something about cleaning, or goals… only to turn around and do absolutely nothing. And thinking about it now makes me so upset.
There’s about 4 and 1/2 weeks in this month. 30 days. I spent the first few days spending time with my husband. With such little time it seems these days, I do everything I can to spend time with him, to assure him that I am there for him and I care about him. And then it was that time again, for him to leave for training. I spent another couple of days sulking and crying. Because I missed him so much. Then my sleeping habits when to crap again. I spend most of my nights awake like a vampire, and I fall asleep about an hour before the sun begins to rise. I put myself under exhaustion, having to work everyday of the week at 7am only to not sleep at all the night before. One day I actually stayed up all the way through work. I don’t know what I was thinking. Actually I know I wasn’t thinking at all.
I’m not thinking straight at all. I had goals this month. To catch up, to start, and to search for new beginnings (along the lines of work) but I’ve done nothing to show for it. And now its time I will never get back.
Filed under: family, life | Tags: drama, family, home, issues, mental, past
I’m starting to think I suffer from some kind of mental stress from the past. Every time something remotely familiar to me comes up, I’m sucked into an abyss of darkness, lies, deceit, and drama that is made up of my past. I spent have of the home life as a spectator… an observant. I spent so much time just living my life as I should only to be interrupted halfway through with drama that isn’t even mine but effects me anyway. And that’s when it all started, its when I started to see the truth behind certain aspects in my life, and the people surrounding me. How….
I wonder how anyone could ever be so, prone to drama. Its like they live in it. I never wanted to be a part of that. But some things always haunt me.
If I could erase some of my past I would. If I could change certain things pertaining to my family and events, I would. If I was given the choice to whom I would have lived my adolescent life with, It would have never been what is was and where. I would have reacted much more differently than leading myself into the wrong hands…If I had only known about her faults sooner.
Filed under: Day Off, life, military | Tags: 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, anniversary, marriage, now, then
September 16… Our 3 year Anniversary:)
2006- We arrived in Washington states just about an hour and a half before my wedding day. I was so happy, so scared, so excited, so nervous… I think I had about every emotion running through my brain. I remember crying because this was it, life would be different from here on in. Anita knew it too…. she’s the one that had me crying. At the end of the day all I could think about was how tired I was and how I wanted to go home and sleep lol
2007- Its all just a blur, I believe I spent the day/evening/night chatting with my husband online through messenger. At least I got to hear from him:)
2008- We spent a relaxing evening, is all I could remember, he was home and we were home from vacation, that was all that mattered. It feels so long ago ….
2009- I passed out last night from being awake for more than I should have, I ended up waking to my alarm for 9:30am but stayed in bed. I got text messages from my sister about the whole car/mom/i-don’t-want-to-go-into-detail situation. I have a headache and I’m stressed out. All I thought about this morning is how much I realized my parents haven’t done much for me that should have counted, sure being born, clothed, and fed. And I hate to sound disrespectful but I never asked for much from them in my entire life so its hurts to know the outcome of the most important things I ask for help with is always such a hassle. I’m so sick of being the one that feels as if I owe something when I don’t. How is it that, I, of all who DID NOT give them shit about drugs, alcohol, or just anything abusive/drama/disrespectful ness in my lifetime end up with all the disappointment and “baggage”? I am so sick of it. My day is not over yet, but so far its been unwell. My husband is still not around due to training and I am here……………….
to be continued.
Filed under: life, military | Tags: life now then work changes 2006 2007 2008 2009 recap
September 15th…
2006- I spent months trying to figure out how to do it, to finally make a new chapter in my life. It was one of the hardest. I wanted nothing more than anything for my family and friends to be proud of me. But I couldn’t help but feel like I was upsetting them at most. I had quit my job, stayed the whole day which I really didn’t have to, and picked up the rental car. I was on major crunch time. I stopped into several places to gather a dress, a pair of shoes, and some light jewelry. I made it into town, and started to pack the rental car. Hoping every last piece would fit so that everything was perfect. I was so excited but also so said. My nephew hugged me, and so did my brother. As I drove away I saw my mom crying… And I didn’t get it at first, it didn’t hit me. And then I knew, I was on my own this time. I headed to my friend Anita’s house, cried and consoled by her and her father. He was telling me that its was a good thing and that I shouldn’t cry. In more of a crunch Anita & I met my other good friend Lecia & Moe half-way into Sacramento. We tried to stock up on things before officially heading out. By 5pm or so we were on our way, which was clearly behind schedule being stuck in traffic. We drove 11 and half hours straight from California to Washington…..Good times:)
2007- I was on my own, staying behind here in foreign State. My husband was deployed to Iraq a month or two back. I was dreading tomorrow, just because I knew he wouldn’t be here.
2008- On a much needed vacation in my most favorite city in the world, it was the best time with my husband but we were on a flight home to Washington. I was so excited because for once, he would be here…. and I didn’t have to worry for the next day and next day and next……
2009- My husband is at NTC training, he told me that for two weeks they won’t be able to have any type of contact. I’m going 5 days and counting without hearing from him. I didn’t sleep last night, too many thoughts on my mind. I ended up being awake for hours! Tossing and turning never once being able to close my eyes. I was awake since 11am the previous night, stayed up to get ready for work early and heading to work like a trooper finishing my 8 hours shift, hopped up on sugar, coffee, and anything else that would keep me awake throughout the day. I couldn’t comprehend too much as my brain was slowly headed to rest, when I got home at 4pm, I passed out on the bed until 8pm.
Filed under: life, military, Uncategorized | Tags: apartment, cleaning, errands, from bed, NewMoon, time, update
I tell you, I can never really get used to writing every day, or every other day in a blog. I do however quite enjoy it through tumblr just because they have all those cool options that make it way it but it is currently not cooperating A.K.A site maintenance. So here I am with one week down and more to go. Its been about 3 days since I last heard from my husband. This is definitely a new thing to me. Seeing as most times when he was away whether it was 2 hours or overseas we would have means by text or email. This is the first time I haven’t heard from him in awhile, that I could recall. Its nerve wrecking but at the same time I can feel myself getting stronger.
This weekend I’ve had time to do some things I planned for a long time ago, although anything having to do with cleaning our apartment was a no-go just because when I look around I get disgusted on how far I let it become such a mess and then I lose motivation. Tomorrow is another day though. Hopefully I can get a few more things done tomorrow. I’m in bed early at the moment. I decided to curl up and watch a movie or two and be in bed by 10pm. My sleeping habits are way whacked at the moment. Some days I will sleep till noon, others I won’t sleep at all. And usually those days I have work. Which is no fun… I figured I would blog something just to update. BTW, Did anyone get to see the NEW New Moon Trailer? Freakin’ awesome! I saw it last night and I cannot wait to see it! The suspense is killing!
Filed under: life, military | Tags: army, flickr, husband, ntc, rarebliss, thoughts, tumblr
It’s been two days since my husband left for NTC. I spent the first day numb, moping, and lifeless. My second day was filled with over-sleeping, going to work, and then a sleepless night. Today I felt a little bit more myself. A bit groggy when I woke up but that was because I couldn’t fall asleep right away. I spent the day indoors mainly because I wanted to relax and find my motivation again. Its amazing how people can affect us in such a way that it may change the way we go about our lives. I’m trying not to let the distance between my husband and I faze me. We’ve been apart before and I know that I can be strong and go through it again. Even still, I hate the fact of knowing I can freely move forward with my life while he’s out there working & training & bidding his time for the Army. The things we do to get by… Its his job like any other job but this he has to be so committed…
I set some goals for myself this month. I’m hoping to get to bed after this post and start up on some tomorrow since its my only free day for the rest of this week. Wish me luck! Oh! & I’m starting to like being at tumblr more. So catch me there if you can:) Don’t forget to visit my other sites (as if I need so many:P)!
Filed under: Day Off, life, military | Tags: Letting go Army Lessons thoughts
“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.“
– Raymond Lindquist
Letting go is one of the hardest lessons in life.
In life, there’s many things that we have to learn to let go. We have to let go of situations, things, memories, people and even ourselves.
It’s easy to form an attachment to people and things. When you’ve formed an attachment to people and things, it can be a very painful experience and feeling when you realized that it’s time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain.
However, there are times where you or that person has changed to the extent that it’s necessary to let go of the relationship or friendship, so that each of you can fulfill your life path.
Letting go of your past and memories are also extremely hard. Even though old memories can be tormenting, yet you might hold on to the past and refuse to move forward. However, by refusing to let go of the painful past, it’ll serve as a roadblock to love.
Letting go of your old self and the process of letting the new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life. But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming.
(inspiration)
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I couldn’t have put it to better words myself. Today was a hard day for me. And this is only the beginning. I prerequisite of some sort to what event is up ahead. You would think that after a long while I would be well adapted to the military life but I am not. And for the main reason is because I do not agree with it. I do not like the fact that my husband spends more time training and working then being able to have a life and spend time with his family, friends, and of course, myself. I don’t like the face that nothing is ever set in stone until the last minute. I find myself scrambling to squeeze in such precious moments. I am not as strong as I hoped I would be. Not this time around.
I dropped my husband off early this morning, and soon he will be headed off to training.
I feel so numb.
Someone wake me up when September ends.
